DEAR ALLAN

You’re an important part of my body, controlling aspects of my airflow.  You used to be so nice, Allan.  You didn’t make a noise when you weren’t wanted.  You could hold the air and then just let it out slowly, noiselessly, in privacy, when I was alone, on my instruction. But about five years ago, you started unexpectedly exploding at the most inopportune times.  Frankly, Allan, we can’t go on this way.
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